Darkness in our Stars
by SomeoneNearandFarAway
Summary: Magic was but a tool, a toy, and they were children of war. They danced along destruction's stage, and cast aside mortal views, but now the war has ended. It is expected that every child has to forget, and forgive, but the darkness plays a deadly game. Even the most holy of men are not spared from sin, and even the most sin-filled are not spared from what can't be forgotten. (AU)
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, I am SomeoneNearandFarAway. It does me a great honor that you have taken the time to read this strange gem. My mind has recently been taken over by this odd anime called****_ Hetalia_****, and I thought I'd try writing about it. I find Italy or Feliciano a fascinating character with so much room for growth and development. This story is dark with OOC characters. Any such character changes will be explained, so give it a chance. There is yaoi involved, so if that is not your cup of tea then please leave now. Other than that please enjoy, and don't forget to review. **

* * *

Chapter one: To Sail On Wood-Less Ships

**Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing, only a signal shown, and a distant voice in the darkness; So on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another, only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence.**

**Henry Wadsworth Longfellow**

* * *

"Death and all its wonders, is never, but an afterthought to a sin filled mind, but dare not the thought of death leave a sin less man for in all it wonders-life is something a man can only persevere, if only for a moment. Let us not forget the fragility of mortality and embrace but not let consume that which we can never understand."

The words fell forth like a wave from his lips and onto the floor a heap and garbled mess that sounded like a foreign prayer from lands lost. He hated them. He had learned these words long ago, and lived his life with the understanding that though he could heal the wounded he could not save them from death. However, the darkness of failure is a heavy one.

Especially for one who could never say he was sin less.

"Hey...Feliciano!"

Said man jolted foreword alert and tense with the words still bitter on his tongue. He nearly hit his forehead with his palm for allowing himself to be caught. It was the third night his body had moved him outside his family home and out onto the spiraling countryside fields. He knew he was looking with eyes closed for something that only dreams could conjure forth, and all the magic of this world could not produce what he wanted.

"It's raining Feli. You'll catch your death out here"

So it was. Pouring was the better term. He gazes at the sky and muses how it is dark yet light with swirling grays that beautifully mixed with hidden blues But for all its beauty it held no answers yet it pounded on his skin hitting his flesh with a sound akin to water on tin. Zink zink Zink zink. It sounded hollow, as if his body was made of metal. How long would it take for him to rust?

"Feli, come on we need to get you inside. Aren't you cold?"

He blinked. Once for the word inside and another for cold. They both felt synonymous with each other as if he could not have one without the other.

"I'm fine. The rain is warm"

It was like ice against his skin and it hurt like it too. Thousands of needles on his body that rose bumps along the flesh. He thought himself morphing into something akin to a demon, but the halo of some divinity kept itself known, and kept him sane.

"Feli"

The word seemed blank until a hand landed upon his shoulder and the revelation that the voice was a real being almost startled him. He could see the hand from the corner of his eyes, but he dared not cast a single glance for he feared it be only a hand.

"Feli"

He really liked the hand upon his shoulder. He wondered if it came from that which he held dear or from that which he secretly loathed. It was calloused and rough from years of hard work. There were faint burns and scars that glowed and shined so softly yet somehow he could still see their existence even in the darkness. These hands have met war. He knew who stood behind him. Gilbert Beilschmidt.

"Ve, dispiace Ludi!"

Feliciano spun around quickly and warped his arms around a startled torso. Guilt hit him for his cruelty, but he showed nothing form the slap. He released Gilbert, softly stepping backwards and though his eyes were now closed he pictured in his mind, eyes the color of blood and hair that rivaled the moon.

"Oh! Dispiace Gilly! I thought you were Ludi, you two sound alike in the rain. Does my voice sound funny too?"

Brothers of blood be damned. They were as far apart as fish was to a bird. They acted like it too they would only ever meet if one was to devour the other, or everyone else. And Feliciano didn't know if he favored the ocean or the sky.

"Its alright. He is my bruder and we share the same awesome blood."

Gilbert laughed and his eyes crinkled with something fierce. It was not missed by Feliciano, but not expanded on. He didn't really care. Not right now. His nightmares were making their way from his consciousness and into a godless form. Haunting him, forcing his mind to places he hadn't thought about in many years.

"Do they ever stop, Gilbert?"

It was barely a whisper, but so loud even amongst the assaulting rain. Feliciano was facing Gilbert with eyes-for the first time in a long time-wide open. Gold met red, and in an instance the understanding between them spoke volumes.

Gilbert though, said nothing just formed his lips into a thin sullen smile as he pulled Feliciano into a tight embrace leaning his face near his ear.

"I'm sorry"

They both were.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: A Turn of Lips

Hello, and good day to you! Here is the next chapter of my little project. I really like it. It is a fun way of practicing my writing, and I hope you enjoy it as well. I find this to be the strangest i have ever written just by the style alone. Though I've always been weird. :P So, before i babble too much. Please enjoy the story, and Review.

(Really Review they keep me alive) _I may be a tad over dramatic  
_

* * *

**Some people think that the truth can be hidden with a little cover-up and decoration. But as time goes by, what is true is revealed, and what is fake fades away.**

Ismail Haniyeh

* * *

It was not long after their embrace that Feliciano collapsed. Fainting into Gilbert's arms with a soft noise like a breath of air released, dare the German say a sob.

"Schiesse, what am I going to do with you?"

He pondered, as he cradled the young Italian in his arms. Like a babe he minded his head and kept him close to his chest- his arm underneath the smaller man's knees. It brought back soundless memoires. He hadn't carried any one like this in a long time.

"West is going to kill me."

A huff of visible annoyance along with a crinkled brow flashed on his face as he started heading back towards Feliciano's home.

"Please, be okay"

He chanted the words over and over as he quickened his pace. Gazing at Feliciano every few seconds but the boy made no motion of recovery, only the soft and steady rise of his chest was able to quell Gilberts growing panic.

"Please, be alright Feli"

It was the first time Gilbert had ever seen Feliciano sick or in any sort of distress. He seemed so small in his arms, and thin. He watched the Italian scarf more gelato and pasta than deemed possible. Where did it all go? Did it escape into a black hole? Is there another universe where he secretly disposes of it? Damn...he was getting distracted.

"Snap out of it dummkopf"

"Ve! What did I do?"

Gilbert nearly dropped him.

"You're alright. Saved by none other than the greatness that is me!"

Gilbert felt a slight embarrassment a tinge of pink on his cheek as he grinned. Feliciano joined in with a soft sweet little laugh that made Gilbert peer down, and by the Gods he wished he hadn't.

The gentle smile that pulled across his Italian skin was full of untouched misery, and Gilbert had never wanted to know another's secrets more. He wanted to know why he was out in the pouring rain at such an hour. He wanted to know why a priest, a healer, would let themselves get sick to the point of collapsing. He had so many questions his teeth ached with the unsaid words. He wanted to know everything.

But that smile begged him not to. He decided to keep his mouth shut.

This would later be regarded as a bad choice.

* * *

Feliciano blushed a dark shade of red. He had never felt so embarrassed in his life. He wanted to ask Gilbert to set him down, but he was tired his legs losing all will to move, and his body was so heavy he might as well been incased in lead. How did he get to this state?

"Don't move Feli. We'll be there soon"

Gilbert's voice was like a coil of thunder in the rain. A personal storm building unreleased. He always thought this.

"Isn't my home beautiful?"

In a completely ugly way. He couldn't actually see his home but he could imagine it. The large ancient home buried in the history of his family's name had always stood alone. Towering above all. Which wasn't all that hard to do when it was the only building for miles. He could vaguely recall the tales he was told as a child. All of them about the great and terrible things his family has done. But somehow what he could remember was the warmth of his grandfather's laugh and the steadiness of the old man's knees as he himself sat with hands on his chin, waiting always waiting for more.

"Of course!"

Gilbert's voice surprised Feliciano snapping him out of his daydream. A biting retort stuck in his teeth. He knew that the mansion was hideous that it was slowly being eaten away by neglect. His grandfather's stories were only stories now, and the tales of the great men who dwelled in the home, died when he did. He really wanted to shout that Gilbert was a liar.

But he didn't. It would be the pot calling the kettle black. He began to question which role he played.

"They say that it was discovered when magic was founded, neat huh!"

He was just making sounds now. Words to dispel the questions. He was fine. He could act fine. His family's home meant nothing to him anymore. His brothers didn't care, so why should he?

"Neat! Oh, look we finally made it. Schiesse, how far did you walk out?"

"Ve, I wasn't paying attention"

The mansion appeared to him when he cracked his right eye slowly. The trees that surrounded the mansion were dead and leafless from the previous harsh winter. It was summer now, and it seemed the trees have given up. They reached with skeletal branches like hands reaching for their next victim tipping their roots with blood. A thirst from lands neglected. The hedges once shaped into whimsical creatures were now deformed. Disgusting things with grown stems like spilling guts, and heads decapitated. It made him tired.

"Home sweet home"

Gilbert's announces stepping onto the front patio. Its wooden panels were falling apart and the painted door was chipped a fading brown. He wondered how someone as sweet as Feliciano would continue to live in a place like this. He also had a tugging thought on...

"Hey, Feli. Why don't you use some magic to fix up your house? Seems like a waste."

Gilbert whistles focusing a tiny bit of magic making the door swing gently open. A silent Feliciano still resting in his arms. He waits for an answer, but the rise of Feliciano's chest was deep as was his breathing.

"Don't tell me you fell asleep?"

A soft snore was his answer. Gilbert let out a sigh. He clambered into the main entryway and made his way up the grand staircase. His arms were growing tired, but thankfully as he started making his way up the steps Feliciano stirred in his arms. Gilbert peered down and was met with two golden eyes that were startled.

"Dispiace Gilly didn't mean to...I think I can walk now"

Gilbert stepped down the steps before setting Feliciano upright. He was a little wobbly but after a moment he held himself firm.

"I don't know what happen, but I had a sweet but short dream. Filled with gelato yum"

That was maybe the most truthful he had been since Gilbert found him in the rain. He was ashamed to admit it, but the last thing Feliciano wanted to do was to worry a friend. He smiled sheepishly at the taller German.

"Grazie Gilly! Oh...I want some gelato. Do you think we still have some left? Romano doesn't eat it that often"

"That because you eat it before anyone else can"

A bold grin spread across the smaller man's face. Feliciano winked, and darted off at a surprising speed.

"Come join me Gilly!"

* * *

Feliciano yells running off to the entryway to his left. Gilbert lets out a drained kind of sound, but follows none the less. Where did he get all that energy?

When Gilbert entered the kitchen Feliciano was already head deep inside the freezer. Anymore and he'll get sucked in. Which in Gilberts mind was a lot funnier that it would actually be. He really liked Feliciano's kitchen. It was grand like most of the house, but with the Vargas brothers love for cooking it was the most advance in technology. The finest equipment, not implemented by magic, that money can buy. It must be nice to be rich.

"VorsichtigFeli. I don't want to save you twice today."

He says while watching Feliciano stand on the tips of his toes. He know knew why they said Feliciano was a magnet for trouble.

"Oh, dispiace Gilly!"

"What's with you your saying 'sorry'? You've been saying it more than Matthew and he's Canadian."

Feliciano frowns smoothly steps back away from freezer rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. A dazed short of motion. Back and forth. Back and forth.

"I guess I have!"

He shouts. And Gilbert could swear to all the Gods that Feliciano was the most complicated simpleton he had ever met. He had half the mind to tell him to stop and another to encourage it. He wasn't boring that was true. He just wished he didn't bury so much inside.

"Feli…"

Gilbert says suddenly. Feliciano hearing him stops rocking, and turns so softly, Gilbert could have sworn he had floated towards his direction. Was it being a priest that made him so graceful? He had his eyes open again, a rare sight indeed. He had such pretty eyes. Gold not yellow. Yellow was such an awful color a washed out gilded version of what shone so wonderfully in those eyes. How he wished this divine child had not seen war.

"Never mind"

Gilberts speaks after a prolonged silence. Rubbing the back of his neck. He had no idea how to speak to him in that moment.

"Gilly. I'm sorry for all the trouble. Grazi… for taking care of me. I'm really okay"

Gilbert wished he could believe him.

* * *

Feliciano nearly barked with laughter as he turns back towards the freezer. Though it came out a breathy chuckle. Laughing was his way of trying to make things right. A thumbs up here and a large smile there. He knew the game. He couldn't worry Gilbert.

"You know I don't think there is any gelato in here"

He says closing the freezer door. His eyes shifting towards Gilbert but not directly. Gilbert was a walking contradiction to him. He once knew him as the greatest warrior to ever step foot onto the battle field. The Tectonic Knight. He used to be so serious, and ridged. A perfect example of battlefield leadership. If any of his ego and confidence showed it was not inherently surprising. He was powerful.

Was

Now all that stood next to him was an empty Knight. After the war Gilbert had relinquished his right to his powers. The fire master died on the battle field he would say. He was starting over. It was and still is to Feliciano's knowledge illegal to master more than one type of magic. Using other spells not your own is alright, but to prefect more than one type of magic could spell death.

"Hey, Gilbert what are you going to study now."

He could sense the pure energy from Gilbert. Bright and peaceful like a child who has yet to decide their magical path. He really could begin again. How nice. He really didn't want to know Gilbert's new path in life. Part of him still wanted to admire the shinning Knight that could burn the leaves of trees but spare the trunk. No one matched him when it came to fire, and now it looks like no one ever will.

"Oh, well I'm going to the same school as you and Ludi. Damn…School starts tomorrow we should go to bed. The awesome me won't look good with bags not that that won't make me any less awesome…"

Well, that was babbling if he ever heard it. Gilbert kept the rambling going on and on. Feliciano almost wished he hadn't asked, but he grinned none the less. Trying very hard not to think about the impending doom that is school.

"Oh. Gilly has a secret. Tell me. Tell me!"

Even though he was the last person he should be discussing secrets with. It just seemed so funny to him that Gilbert was hiding something. The loud mouth German always had something to say, and would often say it even when no one else wanted to know.

"I'm becoming a Priest"

It came out ironically like a confession. Feliciano could almost hear the words "forgive me father". It seemed to leave a strange ringing in his ears. He couldn't believe it.

"Stai scherzando!"

Gilbert turned a strange hue of pink at Feliciano's words. He felt like a small child saying something they think is smart only to have their parents start laughing. Only Feliciano was not laughing. He look almost mortified.

"What is going on?"

Says a deep intimidating voice from outside the kitchen.

"Dispiace Ludi! We didn't mean to wake you"

Ludwig Beilschmidt was an intimidating tower of man, and it showed as he walked into the room. Easily towering over both his brother and Feliciano. He was well toned and had hair the color of summer. A beautiful lovely shade of blond, and his eyes were a subtle clam blue. His hair wasn't slick back as it never was when he was sleeping. It hung low in front of his eyes that were tired from waking up.

"Entschuldigung brohaus! I was out in the rain earlier, and woke our little cute Feli. We've been talking, I suppose I just startled him with my awesome."

Ludwig's face switched from tiredness to disbelief as he looked between his brother and Feliciano. All the while Feliciano thanked the heavens for Gilbert. He hated making Ludwig worry.

"You're antics know no boundaries. I guess it can't be helped. What were you two thinking going outside at the hour let alone in this weather? I know you were outside Feliciano your dripping wet."

"Ve…well"

Feliciano turned a ghostly pale white moving a few steps backwards softly hitting the refrigerator behind him. Thousands of words filtered his tongue forming elegant stories every one of them not the truth. The last thing he ever wanted was to worry Ludwig. The man would demand answers and the story wasn't one he was keen on sharing anytime soon.

"Kesese! I was sleepwalking, and our little Feli found it in his heart of hearts to come and get the greatness that is me."

Gilbert smirks with a mischievous glint in his eye while Feliciano lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He was so grateful he was stuck silent.

"You sleepwalk?"

Ludwig's face was a mixture of emotions. The man had always been very expressive despite the firm and orderly demeanor he put on, but anyone who knew him knew that he was no idiot. Feliciano prayed that Ludwig was still too exhausted to use his tactical mind, and see the obvious lies.

"Only when I drink too much"

Gilbert was truly an angel or the devil himself. Feliciano wasn't sure. He still didn't speak just watched Ludwig as he made a tired sigh.

Gilbert drinking. Sleepwalking having ties to drinking. It was an easy enough story to buy, and Gilbert knew that Ludwig was just asleep enough to believe it.

"I see. I read in a book once that alcohol consumption can lead to sleepwalking. No more drinks before bed, and definitely none when school starts. We have a duty to our family to succeed at the highest level."

Gilbert shrugged waving his hand completely dismissing Ludwig's comment. He loved his brother more than anything, but his family name meant nothing to him anymore. He gave up that right a long time ago.

"Danke Feliciano for taking care of my brother. He's not the easiest to deal with."

Ludwig says as he rubs his temples lightly before letting out a long breath of annoyed air. Feliciano after a moment finally registered what Ludwig was saying.

"Prego!"

Feliciano shouted running into the tall Germans arms. Ludwig manages to stay upright from the sudden force, and though he doesn't want to he smiles.

"Ya...Ya now we should get to bed. School is tomorrow and I won't have us late."

Feliciano blinked. School? He releases Ludwig and takes a step back. School Gilbert panic. Oh…

"Umm…Gilly you're going to be in my classes. Are you sure you want to be a priest? We're not strong at all."

He says as he turns towards Gilbert. His eyes having been closed since Ludwig walked in the room were slightly ajar. He knew it was harsh to say it in front of Ludwig, but Feliciano knew that if anyone could convince him it was the wrong choice, it was his brother.

"So…you finally told him yah. I guess it can't be helped. Brother has already started the process."

Or he could be no help at all.

"Why little Feli it would seem that you do not want me to be a priest?"

Yes.

"Ve, No no…I just want to make sure you're making the right choice."

He gulped. Waving his arms around frantically.

"He's already made his choice Feliciano. We have to respect it. Now, can we all go to bed? This matter can be discussed in the morning."

Ludwig sounded as exhausted as he looked. Feliciano wanted to talk more about it but he kept his mouth closed.

"Ve, I'm tired too. Can I sleep in your bed Ludi?"

"No"

"Aww…"

Feliciano mutters pouting cutely. A large smile stretching from ear to ear enveloping his face. Ludwig faintly blushed at the display. Briefly thinking of saying yes.

"Kesese! You two are weird. It almost brings tears to my awesome eyes, because of how lame it is. You can always sleep in my bed Feli. Kesese!"

Gilbert's laugh echoed about the room. Bellowing over everything. Completely destroying whatever thoughts Ludwig was having. He just wanted to sleep.

"I am going to bed."

"Buona notte Ludi."

"Yah, Guten nact"

Without another word Ludwig leaves the kitchen. Feliciano mind stirred with words he should say to Gilbert. Thanks you and what the hell being the start. So, many words yelling in his head he didn't even notice Gilbert leave room.

"Well…I'm off to bed Feli. Offer is always open. Guten nact!"

Gilbert shouts from Feliciano guessed on the top of the stairs. Damn…the German sure did know how to avoid awkward situations.

"Oh. Buona notte Gilly!"

Feliciano shouts deciding to let it slide. If he asked question what was stopping Gilbert form doing the same. He exhaled slowly deciding not to go to bed at all. What was stopping himself from waking up in the field again? Best not to repeat the night's events. More pressing things were at hand.

"Hmmm… I think I'll make pancakes for breakfast"

Like the morning and his impending doom. He doesn't know why but he gazes at his kitchen. His haven, and thinks

"I hate it."

It was empty. It was always empty. When the mansion finally breaks he wonders if his brothers will come home and ask "What happened?" "Why is it broken?" He believes he will laugh, and laugh. The words he would say seemed sweet on his tongue.

"It was broken long before you came home"

That's what he would say. That was what he _will_ say. But that was for another day, for now there was pancakes to be made, and masks to be dawned.

"May they never know my sins"


End file.
